Tuesday, September 16, 2014

WOD?:

dance, thinking of a 10 by 10

DAY?:

better, semi productive and oh my shit i have so much to do, oh fuck.

EMO?:

frustrated, despondent, despairing.  can't do this job, never could.

CORPUS?:

sugars high, then low, and now high again and i really don't care.

DID?:

danced.  good dance.  getting better at letting things be and just watching for the cues to follow.

AFTER?:

pretty good. too full.  glad i felt weird about sharing in the cake.  one of the kickers was celebrating a birthday and i didn't feel like i could take a slice if i couldn't put the name to the face without signs and a tiara.

Monday, September 15, 2014

WOD?:

mixed weights, 12 kg and 8 kg.

DAY?:

inching towards productive, but so many things are on fire and eating up time that i cannot get caught up, never mind ahead.

EMO?:

sick at heart.  sugars are through the fucking roof, depressed and disgusted with everything.  games no longer cutting it -- nothing is satisfying any more.,

CORPUS?:

tired, so tired. the crash from this one is going to suck.

DID?:

thought about skipping the workout entirely, missed the high of doing it, so forced myself through a 10 x 10 with the 12 kg.  ball of suck.

AFTER?:

glad i did it, had the lovely endorphin high -- and went to bed right after dinner.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

WOD?:

Dancing this evening.  may try for some weight work this afternoon.

DAY?:

reasonably good.  feeling like i got a lot accomplished, which i did.  almost made it through my list of wannado, which is always bigger that i can actually do in three days. 

EMO?:

fairly happy.  some contented, even.

CORPUS?:

not too bad, considering saturday's spill.  shoulder a little sore, bruises sore to the touch, but otherwise not too shabby.

DID?:

did the 10 by 10 with the 12 kg, and that went fair swimmingly.  went dancing at naber's, where they were holding a wedding reception (at a BAR? roll with it . . .) at least Jaime was there spinning discs, and the dance floor opened up right when we got there, so no waiting for the game to finally end

AFTER?:

had forgotten how good it felt to swing.  swung and had more energy, swung and was ready to go dancing.  nice!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

WOD?:

Rest day.  finally, a WOD i can actually do.  this week has been a ball of suck, monday's rain really threw me for a shivering loop.  all sorts of wrongness.  wrongness upon wrongness, blocked, frustrated, stuck.

DAY?:

not bad, half-productive.  sock finally falling into place, yay.  cast on owl sweater, yay.  haven't touched the bag yet, boo, but that's not the end of the world.  dada halfway there, just need to actually finish it.

EMO?:

so much that needs finishing.  itchy with need to finish, just need to get my ass in the chair and do it.  so much like the rest of this damn week, everything eaten up fighting the resistance instead of just doing the whatever it is.  thinking of tricks and ideas for next week -- the fifteen minute timer, change that to fifteen minutes of filing when i feel incompetent.

i will either have a spanking clean office or get shit done.  win win.

CORPUS?:

moon time.  that about says it all; all i want to do is lie down with a lick of blanket across my middle to keep it warm and quiet while the body does its animal thing.

DID?:

picked up gareth's truck, refilled growler. had dinner.

AFTER?:

went to bed.  am missing the high that comes with the workout, frankly.  need to hold that to the fore when i get the don't wannas, hold the feelings of completion and doneness forward, remember the frustration that comes with fighting the resistance rather than saying "you're right, let's just touch the door."  remember those days?  let's just touch the door, and at least you got a walk in.

Friday, September 12, 2014

WOD?:

mixed weights (8kg/12kg)

DAY?:

spent the whole damn day on the road.  well, okay, that's just what it feels like.  my guardian angel has a sick sense of humor.  i went through a hell of a fucked up morning to have everything turn out absolutely perfect, with my feet just where they needed to be at exactly the time they needed to be there . . . but the way we got there was through some rube goldberg contortions.

EMO?:

right before the moon time, as previously mentioned, so the short fuse is even shorter.  i have zero tolerance for frustration at the best of times; this is not the best.

CORPUS?:

still bloaty and ickful.  mega carb loading via brunch, going to have beer and salad for dinner.  so fat, skinny carbs, and alcohol (which is practically its own macronutrient).

DID?:

nothing.  not even knitting, just sat and read a book.

AFTER?:

feeling worthless, behind, and crampy.  saturday is a rest day.  sunday I may swing light and go sancing.  maybe the rest of that cycle i swing light (better that than nothing) and the movement may help get the damn cycle over with again so i can keep trying to get up the freaking ladder.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

WOD?:

heavy weight, light work -- 10 10 x 10's with the 12 kg

DAY?:

this has been the worst week ever in terms of being able to motivate myself into getting shit done.  i have no willpower; it's all used up somewhere.  not at work, i get even less done there than with the workouts.

EMO?:

miserable. sad. frustrated.

CORPUS?:

pre-period bloated, though some of that is subsiding, thank goodness.  crampy, though, in the light poky way that heralds the approach of the moon time.  tmi?  you don't have to be here.

DID?:

dropped my car off at the garage and went to the pig and pickle for dinner.  lots of veggies -- salad, brussels sprouts, smoked salmon, bacon, tater tots, liver schmear and a beer.costs slightly more than dinner at the outback, and so. MUCH. better.  outback has left me feeling vaguely screwed the last few time i've eaten there.  i keep hoping for a return to its good days, but those aren't going to happen.  making a virtue out of watery broth by touting the low calorie content of your soup is not the way to go.

AFTER?:

full.  maybe uncomfortably so, a little, though that probably owes something to the damn lunch at work, too.  tomorrow is another day and a day off, so it will be interesting to see if its easire to pull my shit together and hammer on it or no.  

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

WOD?:

Mixed heavy weights (8kg/12kg)

DAY?:

really not so good.  nothing of importance done, just staring at the walls.

EMO?:

depressed.  frustrated, stuck.

CORPUS?:

tired and bloated and draggy

DID?:

nothing.  at least recognized that i was slacking off and should be doing the workout, just could not find motivation to pick up the weight and swing it.

so watched DVD and crocheted.  at least i will have some classes to hand these in to.

AFTER?:

still feel crappy and unproductive.  don't know if the jam after the workout and shower and treat would have helped, and i guess i won't know unless i try.

speaking of trying, going to try setting up a post in advance so i can just fill it in after.  posting the next day sucks because i am not in the moment, i am reconstructing.  if i have it set up, then i can just log back in and fill out the form.

Tuesday, September 9

WOD?:

Rest day officially, dance class planned

DAY?:

Yucky.  not as productive as i would have liked. so frazjammin' tired of management by fire; of doing what's blazing highest with no chance to build for the future.

EMO?:

frustrated. stagnated.  finally finished a discovery response that i've had basically complete since february.  client didn't send whet i needed back till june because i couldn't stand on her and get it.  then i couldn't put together three sentences on this.  finally, it caught fire and i finished it, under stress and duress. 

CORPUS?:

feeling bloated and crampy and yuck.  some tummy yuck, some consequence of still being under the moon.  tired.

DID?:

nothing.  gareth not feeling well (achy and tummy yuck) so nothing at all.  had errands to do (meds for me, filters for the cat's water dish, dinner for us both) so did the running around and came home to eat and read a book.  wasn't even feeling crafty mojo.

AFTER?:

let's face it, nothing was going to make the evening any better.  at least it didn't get worse for skipping the workout.  will try again tomorrow with the mixed weights workout that's on the schedule.

Monday, September 8, 2014

WOD?:

Mixed weights, 12 kg isolated 2hd sw, 8 kg remainder

DAY?:

day of crap.  woke up by rainstorm several times in the night -- wind howling, pounding on the roof and the tin patio cover.  one lightning strike so close flash and boom nearly simultaneous; almost as bad as when the neighbor's tree bought it and i could hear the sizzle.

got up, left early -- can't take freeways due to car condition.  streets flooded where the sidewalks were overrun.  closed the one street northbound ten yards in front of me, went west, that street was shut down about 100 yards later.  45 minutes after leaving the house, i was something stupid like 6 miles away from home.  drove two miles back in order to get to a street clear enough to get to work, arrived half an hour late.

a thirty - forty-five minute commute took and hour and a half.

after that, day was crap. couldn't focus on getting anything done.

EMO?:

frustrated. so frustrated, shook up, fed up.  not good headspace at all.

CORPUS?:

drained and weary from the long drive in the morning.  evening was better, but still ragged by the time i got home.  so very shreddy.  

DID?:

nothing.  took an early rest night, said hell with it, went out to dinner at an old favorite.  behaved in terms of carb consumption though the roasted sweet potato beckoned seductively, hinting ob butter, honey, and cinnnamon.

AFTER?:

felt less strung out, more pleasant.  guilty about skipping the workout, but will go dancing tonight.  

putting this here -- might be a good idea to conduct a review (revue!!! with scantily clad chorus lads and a magician or two . . .) come the end of the month.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

WOD?:

Usual WOD is dancing, alternative 10 x 10's today

DAY?:

Pretty good --finished a sleeve, almost finished with the bottom gusset to a bag, started an art doll.  Productive.  slept in late, which felt good, took a morning nap which felt good. ate way too much starch, going to pay for that later.

EMO?:

cheerful.  reasonably cheerful, but moody and fretful -- see starch consumption.  ambivalent about workout; our place hasn't been the same all summer without the dj.  allegedly he will be back with the beginning of football season.

would be happy to keep dancing there if they played decent music, but they tune the station to lugubrious radio.  stayed one evening to drink a beer and see what was what and oh, my bawb it was terrible slow.  

CORPUS?:

floppy.  feel so bloated and ickful.  signs that i really need to move it, move it.  it's hard to keep gareth interested in dancing for some reason -- i look back at the days of ritual sexual flailing at each other -- for hours, we'd go out at 9 and come back at 2 or 3 -- and now if i can keep him going for more than three songs, i feel like i've accomplished something.  

DID?:

did my 10 by 10's, 12 kg, just to be certain i'd get a workout in.  then we went dancing and jamie was back (yay) spinning the tunes and we danced to three in a tow (yay) and went back for more.  think we got a solid hour, maybe as much as an hour and change in on the floor.

everything was working -- i was really in the groove, on my feet and well balanced.  gareth was leading beautifully -- strong and clean.  yay dancing.

AFTER?:

wonderful and bubbly as we left.  slept really well until the storms woke me with lightshows and sound.  

Saturday, September 6, 2014

WOD?:

Mixed weights -- 12 kg 2hd sw (all single) and one set 5 x 5; remainder 8 kg

DAY?:

pretty good -- sweater sleeve is so close to done i can taste it, and it fits beautifully.  hope remainder of sweater fits like this, will be most excellent sexy thing if it does. woot!!

slept good, took a nap this morning and all was well.  

EMO?:

happy!!  happy in a way that is uncomplicated, for once.  just happy and not fretting about the end of happy.  walking back from dinner, looking at the canal, thinking of the turtles i see there sometimes and the games i've seen them play with sticks, pushing them through the water.

CORPUS?:

good.  had a hamburger before naptime, had rellenos for lunch, had afternoon happy fun times.

DID?:

well, then we had this bright idea.  new cajun seafood place nearby, every time we drive past, the line is out the door.  poked our heads in once (smelled AWESOME) but the wait was an hour and a half at 8:00 p.m.  we're accustomed to half the restaurant being empty at 8, when we usually eat dinner.

so as the evening storm began rolling in, we said "hey, not a school night, let's wait till 8, 8:30 and walk over to the angry crab for dinner."

so no weights, but walk.

AFTER?:

still happy and bubbly and feeling good.  dinner was awesome (pound of shrimp in butter and spices, table is your plate, fingers are your utensils, sink is over there).  not a first date night place, but gareth and i have held each other's hair as we puked, grabbed the mop and cleaned up after explosive diarrhea (not simultaneously, praise be, either in the offloading or in being sick at the same time).  no secrets.  no problem with cleaning a little garlic and bay leaf off from behind my ears after i do a face plant in the boiling bag.

Friday, September 5, 2014

WOD?:

Rest day!  WOOOOOOO!!!

DAY?:

Reasonably good, actually. started on the OWL, got most of the way through the first sleeve and its increases.  started on the bottom gusset of the bag.  not too shabby.

day eaten up with LT meeting and dealing with a car at the garage.  bleah.  then had to fill gareth's tank because i had just enough to get to the garage and not enough to get home, and did not know this until i was nearly at the garage, way away from all the places i know.

fortunately, there was a place just down the street, so dealt with that, but of course the place is set up to funnel you into the car wash from wherever you approach, so lots of pulling around and backing and filling.

EMO?:

really fed up with the whole damn process when i finally got gas.  needed a dowel from michaels, so decided to pick one up on the way home, and ended up buying sock yarn as well, because there was only a little, and the colors were so nice.

triggers identified:  might miss out, pissed offedness.

also wound up stopping to pick up a prescription at the store since it was in (yay autofill) and bought ice cream as well.  ate the whole carton.

triggers identified:  pissed offedness, "deserve a treat"

CORPUS?:

before or after the ice cream, LOL?  before, okay, hot, tired (no nap, dammit) and after -- hot, sleepy, very hot due to the sludge in the bloodstream.  almost drunk on sugar crap.  took a nap shortly after gareth came home, up again and about again for a while, and then back to bed around eleven.  shit, that used to be a school night bedtime, sometimes. 

DID?:

rest night, woooooo!  opted to rest, and rest good.  lots of crafting.  with the exception of the ice cream and the green chile chicken potato, ate pretty much on menu for the whole day.  had a chick fil a snack while at the garage -- but no fries with bleu cheese dressing, and a diet soda, so 400 kcal snack.  a true snack, not a fourth meal.  

AFTER?:

after the ice cream, not so good.  the whole right side of my face hurt where the nerves have been juttered around.  hard to actually sleep during my nap, had to take some ibuprofen at bedtime in order to go to sleep.  feels better this morning. thankfully, but that was miserable. maybe that's something i could consider the next time i want a treat, that ice cream IS NO LONGER A TREAT.

berries and cream and splenda, perhaps.  during the summer, that's possible.  find something equally "treaty" and easy in the winter, maybe.  frozen strawberries, no sugar?  maybe.  

Thursday, September 4 2014

WOD?:  mixed weights, 30 minutes, 12 kg for the isolated 2hd sw and one round of the 5 x 5, 8 kg for the rest

DAY?:  bleh.  so not productive at all.  i feel like a great heap of chicken fat in front of the desk.  frustrated beyond words.  kept trying to do a little and then not doing what i said i would do.

EMO?: frustrated.  irritated.  twitchy.  so many things to do; so many things that sound appealing and i'm a mule starving in the middle of a hayfield.  can't pick just one bite because the next looks better.

yesterday's workout sucked rocks. was hard to get through, had to mod down a bunch to make it.  made it, which is part of the important part, but at the same time, damn it all.

CORPUS?:  been better.  sugars high this morning because of choices made last night, probably high now because of choices made for lunch.  as in, didn't have any normal lunchtime foods (and can't eat hobbit food, the joys of buying a boatload of starchy things in cardboard boxes are forbidden to me).

took eggs, lunchmeat, leftover hummus from last night.

DID?:  just hit me that we have leftover chicken and green chile sauce in the fridge that deserves to be honored (read: eaten). so i''ll hot some of that up and put it over a potato . . . but while we have cheese, we have no sour cream.

aha!  think i'll walk to the store and get some cream for supper.

AFTER?: 

not thrilling -- the weather is waiting to sneeze, all heat and pressure and pleck. but i did it, and it was easier than i recall the last walk to the store which felt like hard, hard work.  uphill both ways.  beer is good, green chile chicken potato is coming.

Some Thoughts

I have discovered the joy of journaling my workouts, doing so seems to keep me on track better.  started on vacation, and the act of sitting for a moment with self and day seems to bring greater clarity to the choices i then make.

and they are all choices, aren't they.  the choice to put on the sneakers and go for a walk, to pick up the iron and go ballistic, to sit on the couch with ben and jerry. choices.

all choices are valid, it's just that i want to make more choices from a place of choice and not from a place of running away or a place of pain.if i'm wrestling with the habit and leaning towards something bad for me that sounds good, then let's see what's what.

which was what this started as, but my handwriting has declined even further from lack of practice, hence blowing the dust off this blog so i can track again.